Pirate
dogs like hunting rabbits
O’er
the wide and mighty sea.
Pirate
dogs like hiding treasure:
Bones
and shoes and mouldy brie.
Pirate
dogs like singing shanties:
Fa
tra la tra la tra lee.
Once
there was a pirate captain,
Greatest
pirate of them all,
Black
he was and stripy silver,
Standing
almost two feet tall;
Everywhere
his name was dreaded,
Pirate
Captain Cat-a-Waul.
Fear
and terror were his weapons,
Teeth
and claws and pistols too.
Jolly
tars and desperadoes,
Barking
mad were all his crew,
Sailing
far and wide the oceans
On
the good ship Kangaroo.
Captain
Cat-a-Waul and pirates
Sailing
fast to Dogger Bank,
Caught
some rabbits for their breakfast,
Made
some kittens walk the plank;
Howled
with laughter, then fell silent:
“Listen
lads, now I’ll be frank,”
Quoth
the Captain, “Hounds, look lively,
Haul
the rigging, swab the poop,
Hoist
the anchor, splice the mainbrace,
Noses
out the chicken coop;
Heave,
unfurl the Jolly Roger,
Here’s
a little doggy scoop:
“Captain
Post the cruising mailman,
Sails
today from Barking town,
Carries
letters, parcels, boxes,
Paper
white and cardboard brown,
Let
us chase him, catch him, bite him,
Send
him o’er the side to drown.”
Quoth
the cunning canine Captain,
Howling
wolves all cheered with glee:
Pirate
dogs like chasing postmen
O’er
the wide and mighty sea.
Pirate
dogs like dancing hornpipes:
Diddle-di
diddle-di dum di dee.
Poor
old Captain Post the mailman,
Hounded
night and day by barks,
Sounds
of warning, sounds of danger,
Sounds
of fear, to these he harks:
Barks
now louder, barks now nearer,
Soon
he’ll be just food for sharks.
Cat-a-Waul
sails closer, closer,
Fires
the guns with dreadful roar,
Pirates
yelp and board the post-ship,
Teeth
and claws all sharp for war,
Grab
the sacks and bags of letters,
Sink
their prize in sight of shore.
Poor
old Captain Post now captured,
Trembling,
shaking, lacking hope;
“Walk
the plank, ye scurvy mailman,”
Cat-a-Waul
is there to gloat,
Leaning
on a soggy mailbag,
Chewing
on an envelope.
Something
new and unexpected
Caught
the pirate’s blood-red eye,
Written
on the chewed-up paper
Words
that made him give a cry:
“Dearest
darling, love you always,
From
your sweetest cutie-pie.”
Long-lost
letter from his lost love,
Pampered
poodle Clementine:
“Captain
dearest, do you love me?
Tell
me true, will you be mine?”
Wrote
the poodle to her sweetheart;
Blood-red
eyes now filled with brine.
Said
the Captain to his pirates,
“Hounds,
my hate is now forgot:
Clementine
still loves me truly,
Though
I thought she loved me not.
Darling
Clementine I’m coming
Back
to tie the marriage knot!”
Thus
the Captain, then to the postmen,
Bending
knees he seemed to pray:
“Sorry,
sorry, please forgive me,
Friends,
my friends, what can I say?
Kangaroo
is now your post-ship,
Sail
her near and far away.”
Pirate
dogs now live as lubbers,
Sleep
on hearths far from the sea,
Home
is now the Captain’s castle,
Clementine
now cooks their tea;
But
the dogs still chase those rabbits,
O’er
the fields now running free.
Pirate
dogs still dance their hornpipes:
Diddle-di
diddle-di dum di dee.